You really couldn't make it up

You may or may not have been following the ongoing row in the House of Commons over MPs' expenses. I'd respect you more if you haven't.

However, the reason our Parliamentarians are suddenly in such a rush to appear to be cleaning up their act is because, in July of this year, literally millions of receipts covering their expense claims since 2004 will be published.

Rumour has it that there will be lots of very embarrassing stuff buried in the detail, resulting in the sudden and messy end of several "promising" political careers.

But I, for one, didn't realise the situation had got quite so bad.

If you want a laugh in these desperate and dark times we're all now supposed to be living in, do yourself a favour and read the following short extract from today's Daily Mail. It's the funniest thing I've read in ages (and I assume it's not supposed to be):

Love cheat MPs on 'suicide watch' as expense claims threaten to expose affairs

"Three Labour MPs are said to be terrified that the release of their expenses claims will expose them as adulterers and financial cheats.

"Four ministers are also understood to have warned party whips they might have to resign for abusing the system, when MPs' receipts are published before the summer recess in July.

"The three unnamed backbenchers are said to have been placed on 'suicide watch' by Labour whips, who fear they might break down when the details of their excesses come out.

"Two are understood to have had extra-marital affairs with other Members of Parliament.

"Not only are they believed to have shared hotel rooms during annual conference get-togethers and party away days but also to have double-claimed for the rooms on their expenses.

"If both MPs have claimed for the bill they will be branded frauds as well as love cheats when journalists and freedom of information campaigners sift through their receipts.

"The third backbencher is said to have made 'grotesque' financial claims.

"A Commons source told the Mail: 'The whips have three Labour MPs on suicide watch. That's how serious this scandal is. The whips believe they might kill themselves.'"

OK, I'll say it in case you're too polite. GOOD!