The Whites are due to set off for North Yorkshire tomorrow on our first annual family camping weekend since becoming a three-piece. And Daddy is a little bit apprehensive.
Don't get me wrong, it's no reflection on anyone else who will be there (except Dagenham Dave, but that goes without saying. Others expected include Vanessa's mum Judy, stepdad Mike, sister Hannah and her boys Oliver and Alexander, brother Jonathan, his wife Helen and their two kids Jack and Holly).
But, despite some of my personal mannerisms, I am not what could be described as a natural camper.
I have tried - tried very hard, in fact. But I just can't see the point.
I mean, where is the logic in working hard to scrape together enough money to put down a deposit on a house and then continue to graft to pay the mortgage if you suddenly decide to live in a tent in a field in the back of beyond? (albeit, only for two nights a year - but still).
It's like going out for a long walk. Why would anyone want to do that? We've got cars and trains and bicycles and buses - so why waste your shoe leather and your free time by ambling to a fixed point at 2mph before turning back? I simply don't understand.
Vanessa and I got off to something of a poor start with our joint camping career some years ago when we turned up in what became known - extremely disrespectfully - as "Moonbase Alpha." Given that tag by Big John of Chesterfield, a family friend, it was a £10 tent from Asda that Vanessa and I could just about squeeze into. It wasn't easy to put up and it was even more difficult to keep up but, despite the jibes, we called it home for that one weekend every 12 months.
In 2007, we changed our approach and shared a bigger tent with Dave, Hannah and Oliver and, yes, it was certainly more comfortable than Moonbase Alpha. But, as sure as night follows day, Dave barely shut up during both night and day. And even when he did stop for a breath, I still knew he was there - which was just as off-putting.
After missing last year's trip in the wake of Jamie's arrival, we are due to unveil the new White family tent tomorrow. Vanessa bought it second hand off a friend of Big John for £100 (you read that right) and I'm yet to see it - it's still in Judy and Mike's garage. But, unless it comes with an inflatable fridge and butler, I fear we're in for something of a disappointment.
Given I haven't yet had sight of this colossus, I therefore also haven't had a chance to practice putting it up - which means people will laugh at me. And it's bound to be raining too. Really, really hard. On my head.
However, despite my obvious misgivings, I have taken the brave and selfless decision to try - between now and tomorrow - to be positive and open-minded about what lies ahead. Really. I'll then give you my verdict here on Sunday once we've managed to swim home (the forecast is for heavy rain).
Did I mention Dagenham Dave was coming along?!
Sorry - I'm thinking positive, POSITIVE..!
No comments:
Post a Comment