Here is where we've reached.
Wallpaper stripped? Check!
Ceiling painted? Check!
Ceiling painted again? Check!
Ceiling painted yet again? Err..check!
Dado rail varnished twice? Check!
Dado rail varnished for a third time after Barry left the masking tape on too long and took all the varnish off? Check!
Walls painted twice? Check!
Stupid wooden box things that cover the pipes painted twice? Check!
Skirting boards painted twice? Check!
Door frames painted twice? Check!
Window sill painted twice? Check!
Window sill painted again after Barry put his hand on it by accident before it was dry and then made matters worse by rubbing it with a wet wipe? Check!
Window sill painted for a fourth time after Barry put a TV on it when it was still wet after its third coat? Check!
First of four walls wallpapered? Balls-up!
Yes, the wallpapering. Eight sheets have gone up thus far, and I went to bed shortly after midnight thinking it looked good.
When I went down this morning for another inspection, it still looked good. Enough. To Eat.
Because it looked like an Aero - such were the number of air bubbles present.
I was crestfallen, if truth be old, but I've since taken lot of advice and I think I now know the error of my ways i.e. I haven't been leaving each sheet long enough for the paste to soak in (not that I realised wallpaper paste was so clever).
So we'll adopt a new soak-it-and-see approach tonight.
My first instinct was to redo what I've already done but the man in the decorating shop warned that this would be misguided.
"Give it a week lad," he said. "And if it's still as bad then, you'll know for sure that you've f***ed it."
Reassuring words, I'm sure you'll agree.
Come what may, all my walls will be covered by the time the clock beeps 12 tomorrow night.
Let's hope it's not with my tears.
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