It is often said that life begins at 40. But my rebirth happened a little later as I was 42 before Morrisons £5 'Match & More' vouchers were invented.
Honestly, they're what I live for - especially on weekdays.
And whilst obviously very welcome, it's not even the fiver that thrills me most. That barely buys you a pint in some establishments these days. (An honourable exception is Johnstons Bar, 53 Railway Road, Coleraine. Ask for Clare, Seamus or Stewartie).
No, it's more the fact that I've won a little battle with a supermarket chain that is notoriously reluctant to give you 'owt for nowt' (as they say in these parts).
So imagine my excitement this morning when, after filling my basket with a load of shite I didn't need, the £5 'Match & More' voucher you can see above appeared from the self-service machine.
Honestly, I felt like I'd died and gone to Heaven.
But wait! Something else was coming out!
It couldn't be! It really couldn't be! OMG, IT WAS!!!!!!!
ANOTHER £5 'Match & More' voucher!
And here it is - check the serial number. It's different. Yup, two genuine, spendable £5 'Match & More' vouchers.
But my life-changing moment was set to get even better. Because the machine kept whirring. And you'll never guess what appeared next!
Well, you won't. What came out was so unlikely that it would be impossible for you to even have a stab at.
So here we go folks. Sit tight, stand tall, get ready to blow your mind.
It was only a THIRD Morrisons £5 'Match & More' voucher! I KNOW!!!!
So that's 1-2-3. Making three in total, THREE!
And here they are together just to prove it.
I mean, just look at them. They're quite beautiful.
Can you even imagine how many £1 packets of chocolate biscuits I can buy with them? Or £5 bottles of wine? I can't. It's bound to be loads.
As the enormity of what's happened begins to sink in, I kind of feel the hand of Charlie Bucket upon my shoulder when he found out he was going to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
But there's a big difference between us.
Little Charlie had to make do with a single golden ticket. I've got three.
Maybe one day they'll write a book or make a film about me too. Or they might not.
