I'm writing this because the new series of Location, Location, Location is on the telly and this week it's from Leeds, meaning Vanessa wants to watch it.
I used to be an avid fan but Phil Spencer put me off.
First, his trait of talking like he's got a full Jaffa Cake wedged in his mouth began to get to me.
Then second, I met him. He and Kirsty (who's much less enormous in real life) were doing a book signing in Leeds. Vanessa and I were just about to buy our first house and I thought it would be fun to buy their book and get it signed for Mrs W. What a nice Mr W I am.
So I got in the queue, reached Kirsty who was very charming, before moving on to the next part of the table piloted by her co-presenter.
I was second in line and decided to listen into the conversation Phil was having with the lady in front. The crux of it was that Phil and his wife had just bought a new house that morning. What a coincidence, him being a house expert and all that.
Suddenly I was "on" and handed him my book.
"Who is it for?" Phil mumbled, spraying me with pieces of Jaffa Cake.
"My wife, Vanessa. Please."
"Mumble...chew."
"Errmmm," I piped up, "I heard you say that you'd bought a new house today."
"Yes, that's right," he said, sounding bored.
"Congratulations," I continued, unabated. Before going in for the killer line.
"Do you take anyone's advice before buying it?!"
"Er, no, I just took my own," he replied, handing me my book.
I took it and headed back to the office for a coffee and a Jaffa Cake
