A big bang in the night

As a humble Ulsterman, I am happy to concede my ignorance about many subjects, and fireworks is one of them.

I say this because, prior to the paramilitary ceasefires in 1996, outdoor fireworks (other than sparklers which don't count) were banned in Northern Ireland. And, following a series of attacks on police officers using fireworks as low grade bombs, restrictions were subsequently re-introduced in 2002.

As a result of this and an incident I'm about to describe, I have set off just a single outdoor firework in my entire life - although I do remember that moment well.

The year was 1992 when I was a student in Newcastle Upon Tyne. And, in advance of bonfire night, I happened to mention to some English friends that I had never previously had the chance to use outdoor fireworks.

Nice people that they were - and still are, for that matter - someone went and bought a box of rockets and I was taken to Jesmond Dene to have my moment.

I was then presented with an empty milk bottle in which I was advised to place a single rocket prior to ignition. And so I made a little indent in the ground with my heel, placed the bottle in the hollow, lit the fuse and ran back to join my friends.

However, just a few seconds later, the milk bottle toppled over (unfortunately, the little hole I'd created wasn't deep enough) and, without delay, the rocket shot off about half an inch above the ground in the direction of a clump of trees - which it promptly hit, before exploding.

And I promise you this is true: two young individuals - one male, one female - then suddenly appeared from amongst the trees, shrieking and in a state of undress, before running off into the darkness.

I quickly decided against setting off any more fireworks that night and have not tried again since.

But tomorrow evening will hopefully mark a new beginning. For Jamie has never witnessed fireworks before and I'd very much like him to see a few from the comfort of our back garden.

I have no idea what I'm going to buy, what they're going to cost or how they're supposed to work (are you still meant to use a milk bottle and, if so, where would I get one these days?!) But I won't be overly-ambitious and, if you're reading this mother, I will be careful.

Should be fun.