But what do elves actually DO?

Jamie began his second Christmas by watching Bob The Builder, which was somewhat ironic. Because when it comes to fixing things, his daddy is no Bob The Builder - Mr Angry, maybe - and already today that fact has been underlined once again.

The items which required fixing this fine Christmas morn were Jamie's new tractor and trailer which were very kindly sorted out for him by Granny White.

I started with the tractor, which I thought would be the most difficult item of the two to build. And I did take much too long attaching the steering wheel - probably about ten times longer than a practical father would take - but, like Bob and to my great surprise, I got the job done.

However, the trailer was a very different story and that job is still very far from done. In simple terms (and, in theory, it should be a simple job), the first step is to attach a little stud thing to one end of the axle - with a hammer. But I'm not good with hammers (or screwdrivers, or pliers, or drills, or saws...you get the idea). And I just can't get it on and, as a result, everything is starting to bend (including my sense of reasoning).

I am going back to the fray again as soon as I finish this. But, whilst I was crashing and banging and swearing (all very loudly) earlier, something occurred to me.

Shouldn't one of Santa's elves have sorted this out for me, sorry, Jamie? Aren't they supposed to make the toys for Santa or, at least, help him make them - hence their description as Santa's Little Helpers?

Perhaps there's been a new law from Brussels or somewhere which has meant they're not pulling their little weights this Christmas. Maybe they're only allowed to work a maximum number of hours which, in the run-up to Christmas Eve, is far from practical to my mind. Maybe they're on a "go slow" protest following the dismissal of a lazy colleague. Or maybe they've refused to use sharp tools for elf and safety reasons (WAHEY!)

Whatever the truth, once a few weeks have passed and he's ready to start thinking about next year, I'm going to write to the big man to demand an explanation. And maybe, by then, I'll even have finished building Jamie's new trailer.

Hopefully he'll like it as much as he obviously does his new tractor.