Nearly done - as am I

Weekend five of my decoratathon is almost at an end - seven hours yesterday, six and a half today - and thankfully so too is the work.  

With Jamie's room and the dining room already out of the way, today I finished the shower room and, with the ceiling done, put the first coat of paint on the kitchen wall (above).  All that now remains is another one  tomorrow night, two coats of gloss on the skirting boards there and in the "toy room," final touch ups all round - and we're done. 

Jamie was most impressed by Daddy's Big Pole.  And quite right too.

Meanwhile, Charlotte was up for bit of hide-and-seek. 

Today, of course, was Mother's Day - and it didn't go unmarked.  

Thankfully everyone did seem to enjoy themselves more than the picture might suggest.

Eve Of St Patrick's Day Day

An Ulsterman 365 days a year (366 this year, being a leap year, so lucky him), Jamie is normally only permitted to be Irish on days when Ireland play rugby.

But there are a couple of exceptions.  The first and obvious one is St Patrick's Day, which is tomorrow. 

The second is on nursery St Patrick's Day theme days which are held when St Patrick's Day falls on a weekend (still tomorrow). 

So this morning he was dressed up as Jamie O'White and sent out to drink Guinness and tell bad jokes until his heart is content. 

And this year he even had company.

Have a great Eve Of St Patrick's Day Day. 

The truth doesn't get bent more than this

You, like me, may have been one of the several million viewers who tuned into tonight's MasterChef Final. Alternatively, you may have a life - and I envy you. 

MasterChef will forever take me back to Wee John's 40th birthday weekend during which someone (I can't remember who) told me that hosts John Torode and Gregg Wallace were live-in lovers.

And I believed them.  Indeed, I believed them until very recently when I remembered to check.

Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that they're not.

And so do you.

He's a warmer

I've been in London for the past couple of days and, last night, had the dubious privilege of Wee John cheffing for me.

Well I say cheffing but, in truth, all he really did was warm things up.

Together with his flatmate Shane and blokemate Pav, we had warmed-up prawns and chilli on warmed-up bread to start, and warmed-up chocolate pudding for dessert.

In between, we were presented with warmed-up chips, warmed-up onion rings, warmed-up Yorkshire puddings and warmed-up pepper sauce.

To be fair, he did pan fry the steaks, because you kind of have to do that with steaks.

But then it soon became clear why he relies so much on his oven.

Do not touch - and definitely do not twist

An awkward moment at bath time last night, when Vanessa walked in to find Jamie twisting Charlotte’s nipples.

“What are you doing?!” a rather startled Mummy demanded to know.

“Playing with Charlotte’s buttons,” replied Jamie. “What are they for?”

“Not for playing with!” (would have been my answer. Tragically, I wasn’t there ).

Groundhog Weekend - Part IV

I spent a mere 19 hours decorating this weekend, turning the "toy room" - as Jamie calls it - from what you can see above to what you can see below.

Sadly, the walls still need another lick and I haven't touched the woodwork yet.  After all that, it'll be time to begin the kitchen.

So determined was I not to be interrupted that I employed the services of two pirates to keep unwanted visitors at bay.  

Despite their good work, rum was banned from the premises.

Less than a remote possibility of this happening again

Ever since he's been old enough to know better, I've made house rule number one very clear to Jamie: never, EVER touch the TV remote control.  

He's become very aware of this rule but, given half an opportunity, cannot help but attempt to break it. 

And the temptation is made worse by the fact that there are four remote controls to choose from - a Sky and telly remote in the living room and the same again in the kitchen.

So you can imagine my horror when I came down the stairs this morning to see what you can see above; that's the Sky remote in his hand. 

However, what I then didn't expect to see - and didn't notice when I first walked in - was this sight.

  
I think Charlotte is now equally aware of the fact that the TV remote is also none of her business.  And how she managed to get her tiny paws on it is beyond me.  (Well, not really - her brother must have handed it to her for badness). 

Anyway, I hope they enjoyed their big moment because the next one will be a long time coming.

Let's hope she licks it soon

Vanessa's tongue has gone for a wander.  In fact it's gone geographic. 

Until today, I'd not been aware of the term - or should I say "condition" - known as "geographic tongue."

And neither was Mrs W.  But now she is and it's in her mouth.

She went to the doctor's first thing this morning to seek a diagnosis of her poorly licker, and her symptoms matched up. 

These include (and I quote from some random site I found on Google):

• Map-like appearance to the surface of the tongue
• Patches that move from day to day
• Smooth, red patches and sores (lesions) on the tongue
• Soreness and burning pain (in some cases)

All lovely, I'm sure you'll agree.

Treatments are uncertain, although I have suggested an indefinite ban on tongue-lashings aimed in my direction.

If she agrees to that request, I'll know she really is sick.

Me and Jim

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

That's all I can say about Jimeoin live on stage in Leeds tonight.

Two reasons:

1. He was
2. I've been drinking since 5.30.

Let's "speak" tomorrow.

Guaranteed to be a Lovely evening

I'm all excited. 

Thanks to him and her, a night out continues to be something of a rarity for she and me.  But tomorrow our luck will be in when we go to see Jimeoin live at the City Varieties in Leeds.

For those of you who have never heard of the great man, Jimeoin is a comedian who, although huge in Australia, has only risen to proper prominence over here in the last couple of years.   

And he's from Portstewart in Northern Ireland.

He's not particularly rude, he's not even especially edgy.  But he is incredibly funny. 

I've read a couple of reviews of his new show - simply entitled "Lovely" - and subjects for discussion will include toe movement and whether or not to wear a coat outside.

Despite leaving the North Coast 24 years ago, he has retained his accent. 

I therefore purchased two tickets on the second row, right in the middle; my thinking being that, whilst I'm not saying I'll definitely interact with him, he is likely to be one of the few people on any English stage with a chance of understanding what I'm saying. 

We'll see how it goes.  

Come dine with me

I'd love to think that today will be forever remembered for me finishing painting our dining room.

But it won't. 

Because Norn Iron's Rory McIlroy has just become the world's number one golf player. And Antrim man Mark Allen has won the final of the World Open snooker. 

Like most Ulsterfolk, I'm very, very proud. 

But while I have you, what do you think of our dining room?

I appreciate that it might look a bit dull.  But new curtains, some pictures on the walls and a new carpet are on their various ways . Plus, it's all my own work so don't insult me (please). 

I intend to dine out on this

As I write,  it's getting quite late on a Saturday night, so you'll probably not read this until Sunday, Monday - or not at all (the most sensible option, if it were me).

I haven't actually left our house today because, as boringly trailed, I'm back on the decorating horse with our dining room the focus of this weekend's productivity.

What you can see above is how it looks at the present time (despite 10 hours of effort).  But, by tomorrow teatime, it should hopefully look different again.

I'll have two main objectives when morning comes:

1. That the wall colour will be even
2. That the wall colour will not be pink

At least I have some help.

WANTED: All clear/evidence of a brain

I had my first CT scan 12 years ago when I lived in London and my sinuses were giving me dixie. 

And I remember it being quite a daunting experience. 

I was working for the then Northern Ireland First Minister David Trimble and Mo Mowlam was Northern Ireland Secretary of State.  Mo was continuing her well-publicised battle against a brain tumour which ultimately and tragically cost her her life.

And when I was transported into the scanner, all I could think of was her.

Tonight I had my second CT scan at the Leed General Infirmary - my sinusitis is back - and, for the first couple of moments, it was a case of deju vu all over again.

But then, as is my wont, my mind began to wander. 

The next thing I knew was being woken up by a nurse, 

"Oh, sorry," I said, "how long have I been in there?"

"Four minutes," she replied. 

Well, I have been very tired of late.  But at least I appear to have conquered my dislike of CT scanners.

Ben 10 Barry 3

Yes, from the distance you're viewing Jamie's new Ben 10 wall sticker - and I know some of you are several thousand miles away - it might appear quite impressive. But I assure you it's not.

Compare the Ben above to how he looked before Jamie's Daddy got at him...

...and you'll notice that half his left shoulder is now missing. 

And if you did see him up close, you'd quickly notice all the folds and air bubbles and, well - the whole thing is something of a disappointment.  And it's entirely because I made a balls of it.

At least I'll not feel so bad when, three weeks on Thursday, Jamie no doubt decides he wants his room repainted blue.

But he won't be getting a Batman wall sticker, I'll tell you that.