For fake sake

We reached the third destination of our four-stop Turkey tour yesterday afternoon - and the five-hour bus trip from Izmir to Dalyan wasn’t remotely as bad as we feared. Free onboard snacks and drinks, comfy seats, air conditioning and bang on time. Not bad for £12 a head. We then swapped our big bus for a minibus to the Holiday Hotel, our home for 48 hours almost to the minute. And we have thankfully landed right side up.

Really chilled man running it, relaxed atmosphere and close to lots of eateries and “interesting” shops - more on that in a second. Vanessa and Jamie didn’t take long to take chilled owner man up on his offer to borrow a tandem kayak for a paddle up the river.

We then had a parent changeover so I could have a go too.

Food was bang on in the town last night - Jamie had a steak, the rest of us a variety of chicken based dishes - and then it was off to those shops.

Now, you’ll be well aware that Turkey is famous for it’s “genuine fake” items.

Anyone for a Luke Littler darts shirt?

What is arguably more amusing than the fake items are the fake shops. For example…

…and…

…and.

Top of Charlotte’s genuine fake shopping list on this trip was a pair of fake adidas sneakers. She spotted them in one particular outlet as we walked to our hotel and, after dinner, her mother called in to ask Turkey’s smallest shopkeeper how much he required to part with them. “1500 Turkish Lira,” was the answer - about 30 quid in King Charles money. "We saw the same pair in Izmir for 800,” Vanessa countered. (This was true, although she did concede privately afterwards that they were faker fakes than the genuine fakes the Dalyan shopkeeper was at that point holding is his tiny hands). He insisted he was not prepared to go to 800, partly because he refused to believe that any of us had ever been to Izmir. But, after further Vanessa browbeating, he reluctantly offered to sell them for 900. But Vanessa stood firm, politely said the price was still too high, thanked him for his time and led her daughter from the premises. Trailing behind, Jamie and I clearly heard him shriek “Oh, my god!!!” under his breath. We then headed off for a 20-minute wander around the resort before Vanessa decided to return for one final showdown with the small man with the big heart. She asked him again if he would take 800. Not only did he refuse, but he said the price had now risen to 1200 because Vanessa had walked out. But Mrs W bravely battled on before finally caving in by agreeing to pay 900 Turkish Lira - a whole £2 above her bottom line, which continues to irk. After shaking his little hand on the deal, she produced her debit card to pay the ransom. “No card, no card,” he announced. “Cash only because you’re a cheap lady!” This was quite rightly taken in the spirit in which was intended - a compliment rather than an insult - and 900 Turkish Lira in cash was duly passed over. And to underline the good nature of the exchanges, both parties - large and small - agreed to pose for post-match pictures.

The rematch is tentatively scheduled for around 9pm this evening as he’s got some genuine fake hoodies in stock which have also caught Charlotte’s eye.