I'm all sore - and it's made me hate the gym even more.
I've never been a fan, you see. But at the age of 43 and with memories of the London Marathon and four Great North Runs increasingly distant, I've had to find other ways of remaining alive.
So last year I joined our local gym.
After a few sessions of gently raising some very small pieces of iron, I found myself very bored and in need of greater motivation/a kick up the arse.
I discovered a remedy in the form of spin classes, during which I was often told to get off my bike and do press-ups because I wasn't trying hard enough. Fair enough, and I was comfortable in the knowledge that I was still putting in more effort than on the pigeon chest press machine.
And I remain spinning once a week, although trainer Jason now makes me do punishment burpees for a little change.
But I've been getting a bored again.
Cue "The Primal Series." (GRRRRRR!!!!)
Yes, dear readers, I've decided to bring out my inner animal by "working [my] body like nature intended," according to the gym bumpf. (Another GRRRRRR!!!! anyone?)
In layman and laylady's terms, what we're talking about is a range of five 30-minute sessions that do different things presumably to different parts of your body. (I'm not yet an expert).
Earlier this week, I did "Core" which basically hurt all my middle bits. Then today I did "Conditioning" which hurt all my middle bits again, together with some other bits that escaped damage on Tuesday.
And I've loathed every second of it.
Core was harder, principally because Jason was the trainer and wanted to make me cry. He came very close.
Today was a little less physically tough, but more taxing mentally because our adolescent apprentice trainer kept telling my three co-participants (all 50-year-old plus women in leotards and lots of make-up) and I that she was "proud" of us. She then ended the session by trying to flog us those gloopy protein drinks that men with big arms allegedly inject into their eyeballs
But I'll stick at it. I might leave "Strength" for a while. Perhaps until I gain an element of strength. And "Perform" suggests dancing, so that'll never happen. But maybe me and my girls might move onto "Renew" at some point.
I'll keep you posted.