Home alone

Three quarters of the White family are currently in Lytham on an overnight seaside trip.   Latest reports suggest that it's not raining there.  

Here in Guiseley - where this quarter of the family unit remains - the rain is about to restart and my plan to paint the garden shed is in tatters.  Excellent!

This "unfortunate" turn of events has forced me to watch the cricket, snooker, Moto GP and Formula One thus far.  

Later I shall feel compelled to tune into the rugby league, rugby union, baseball and football (plus more snooker if the player who's not called Ronnie O'Sullivan makes a fight of it).

Since my last ramble on here, we hired a motorboat on Lake Windermere and didn't capsize.

We embarked on our first "Rishi Dishy," taking advantage of the Government's uncharacteristically generous "eat out to get fat, then go for a bike ride" scheme.

We went for afternoon tea to fulfil a commitment Vanessa made to Charlotte at the start of lockdown.  (Plus she had a voucher).

I had two huge boxes of beer delivered.

Followed by another one.

And most excitingly of all, Charlotte had another promise kept when Vanessa finally allowed her to get her ears pierced. 

The rest of the clan are due back in Guiseley tomorrow afternoon, by which point I hope to have most of a day's work competed.

And then on Wednesday, we're due to back out on the road as a reunited four-piece band to cower in a tent in the middle of a field until Friday,  Heavy rain and thunderstorms are inevitably forecast.  With added lightning.  Can't wait.  

Spacers

There they go, the intrepid high wire artists about to spend the following three hours fumbling around on the edge of space -  or high ropes assault course to you and me.  They'll eventually return to Planet Earth via a zip wire.

And me?  Not a chance.  I'm watching the FA Cup Final.  Yes, my team Arsenal are playing.  But that's not the real reason.  Heights are not for me.  And neither is publicly soiling myself in front of a wife and two children who already don't respect me.

Earlier today we went on yet another walk, this time to Orrest Head where the views of Lake Windermere were spectacular. 

Charlotte was a little bit bored by this stage and chose to use binoculars to watch Vanessa and Jamie marvel at the scene rather than get too close herself.

At least she was able to see more than if she'd been sitting on this bench placed behind a big tree.

The weather has been OK today, which is always more than acceptable to us.

But yesterday it was, well, 30-odd degrees with full sun.  We could barely believe it.

We visited William Wordsworth's house.

The kids went for a paddle.

And later they had for their first swim in a proper pool since the start of lockdown. 

Luckily Vanessa and I found an ideal place to watch them in action (on the other side of the glass).

The weather was so exciting that Jamie and I put on our party shirts to celebrate, whilst Charlotte had a chocolate sundae.

I'd better be off now as I've got football to watch and beer to drink.   I really hope the rest of the family don't have nightmares tonight because I'm bound to be tired.      

The sun won't come out tomorrow

Something really strange happened today and it's thrown all of us into a state of confusion.

The sun came out.

This is not a holiday experience we can recall and we're not really sure what to do next.  

As luck would have it, we did pack shorts but only because we've heard of other families having gone on holiday and the sun's come out.  We're grateful to them for encouraging us to pack for all weathers.   

It rained pretty much all day yesterday, as it did on Monday.  It is due to rain again tomorrow too.

However, today has been, well, nice.

Yesterday Jamie took us on a big walk.  

(He also bought a new snazzy hat.

And Charlotte bought an equally swish Dick Turpin mask).

Jamie took us on another walk today.  But walks are very much his thing rather than hers and younger sister protests have resulted. 

For example, she refused to look over this big stone wall to admire the view.

She also refused to climb this hill, unlike Vanessa and Jamie (who you can just about see).

Here's a kind of close-up.

We're planning to get our bikes out tomorrow, which Charlotte (who I fear may actually be allergic to forward motion) is also dreading.

But, for now, it's chillax time.  And we're all good with that.

Putting the wind into Windermere

The Whites are back on tour, this time in the Lake District where it rained all day yesterday apart from a brief intermission to allow this picture to be taken.

(We were supposed to be in Greece but that was cancelled after the island we were going to ran out of Corona. Or something like that).

Our trip here started off with a bang.

I attached the bike carrier thingy on to the car the wrong way. The result was that it bounced off the road a couple of miles after departure, forcing us to return home to stick one set of brake lights and the registration plate back on with white gaffer tape. Here you can see Vanessa reassuring the kids that our luck was sure to improve.

Sadly mine didn’t. I watched the first half of Coleraine’s Irish Cup Semi-Final on my phone on the journey across. The Bannsiders were leading 1-0 until the 97th minute. They eventually lost to bitter local rivals Ballymena Utd on penalties. Gutted.

Whilst I sobbed uncontrollably, Jamie took himself off for an introductory tour of the holiday park where we’re staying for the next week. His main aim was to make a guest appearance on the CCTV feed which is piped into everyone’s lodge. He succeeded - see below.

We ended the evening by introducing the kids to the joys of Gavin & Stacey. Other than the incident with the bog brush and one filthy comment from Doris, the first episode wasn’t too racy and we might let them see a few more.

As for today, we’re planning a walk into Windermere where showers and high winds are expected.

Further updates to follow.

Ghost train

Before today, I hadn't travelled into Leeds city centre for more than four months.  The purpose of this morning's journey was a trip to the dentist after a crown became loose a few weeks ago.  I was surprised when  she agreed to see me. 

I donned a mask for the first time and boarded a train with barely anyone on it.   That was eerie, as was Leeds station itself was which also deserted.  With the odd exception of several members of train staff, everyone else had their faces covered as I trudged through.

When I reached the dentist's door, I had to wait outside for a few minutes until a lady with face shield, apron and gloves greeted me cheerily and asked me to cleanse my hands with sanitiser before coming inside.  

Next, she asked if she could take my temperature.

I said yes and opened my mouth nice and wide.

She laughed and pointed a gun at my head and pulled the trigger.

Five seconds later: "You're fine."

I wasn't, I felt like a right idiot.  I'd not had my temperature taken that way before.  I reckon I would have blushed less if she'd shoved a thermometer up my bum.  

And then I was invited to go upstairs to be welcomed by my dentist and her nurse, both in full PPE.

They did a great job, despite not being able to use a drill or that squirty water thingy.  My dentist explained that they can use those tools in afternoon appointments when they have to wear even more protective gear.   A bit like those scientists in ET.  Possibly. Those appointments are scheduled for an hour to allow time for a deep clean afterwards.  Mine was in the diary for 30 minutes, despite only being in the chair for five of those. 

My dentist added that my six-month check-up, which was due this month, will now take place at some point next year - in theory. 

And then I left, walked back through the quiet streets of Leeds, into the station, mask on and back onto another empty train to Guiseley.

I am actually due back in the city centre in a couple of weeks for a meeting, possibly followed by some socialising.  I'm not really sure how I feel about that. 

It's not a fear of contracting coronavirus that puts me off, it's the "new normal" factor; even more irritating than the X Factor and set to last a heck of a lot longer than a run of Simon Cowell and co.      

Flip and dale

With wind and rain forecast and campsites reopened, the time was right for us Whites to get soaked and cold inside and outside a tent.  

We chose the little village of Muker in the heart of the dales.

That was on Friday but, for the next two days, the weather actually picked up and the beauty of North Yorkshire was revealed.  

We met some of the locals.

And even had our first lockdown pint. 

Thankfully it was. 

Back at the campsite, Jamie saw an opportunity to earn a Scout badge for being helpful. 

He grabbed it with both marigolds.

We're due to spend next week in the Lake District where steady rain is predicted by the weather folk.

This has not come as a surprise. 

Half-cut

Jamie and I had our long-awaited post-lockdown haircuts today and, in my case, it did not go as planned.   

The barber cut the sides but, for some reason, seemed to forget to cut the top - and I forgot to notice.

The result was that I came home looking not unlike Michael Portillo.

Worse still, Charlotte took one glance and announced that I resemble a hammerhead shark.

A bit harsh, surely.

This was us yesterday when we put gel in our hair and combed it back for a laugh. 

But I'm not sure I look that different (other than the hangover face I was wearing after a well-hydrated weekend).

In need of some form of comfort,  I'm reminded of that well-worn quip: 

Q. "What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?"

A, "About a fortnight."

So I'll go back soon.      

I hope you have better luck when it's your turn to face a scissoring. 

Katy Perry Fest

We've had a better week this week with Jamie's 12th birthday on Tuesday the highlight.

Being in lockdown and all of that, options for him were sadly limited.

His choice of activity was therefore to drag us all up a mountain to have a picture taken beside something called a triangulation pillar.  That'll be the tenth such lump of rock he's reached over the past few weeks which is good for his Scout badge collection.   

Happily, Vanessa brought a little cake along to mark the occasion (and replace the lost calories from a five-mile trek).

On our return, we threw a little barbecue in Jamie's honour with steak as the main course.  That's unless your name was Charlotte who requested a microwave pasta meal from M&S.  Anything to avoid my cooking.

And the birthday boy received another cake in time for dessert, a full size one this time.  

There isn't any left.

The week has been book-ended by Father's Day last Sunday (loved my card)...

...and the "Glasthomebury Festival."   

With the 50th anniversary of Glastonbury canned because of you know what, a wise social media person came up with the idea of everyone recreating the festival experience at home for the entire weekend. 

How far you're prepared to go is obviously a matter of personal choice. 

Jamie and I have camped in the garden for the past two nights.

Under a makeshift Pyramid Stage.  

Vanessa and Charlotte kind of joined us last night by sleeping on camp beds in our converted garage.

However, as someone once said, it's all about the music.   

And thanks to the BBC showing wall to wall highlights from previous years, there has been plenty to choose from.

Amongst those acts I have insisted we watch are Katy Perry, Coldplay, REM, Katy Perry, James, The Killers, Katy Perry,  Kenny Rogers, Neil Diamond, Katy Perry, Shakira, Status Quo, Katy Perry, Adele, U2, Katy Perry, Happy Mondays, The Verve, Katy Perry, Oasis, The Waterboys, Katy Perry, George Ezra, Katy Perry and Katy Perry.  

I was never a huge David Bowie fan, but we will watch him tonight although I hope there may also be some time for a burst of Katy Perry. 

One thing I've particularly enjoyed about watching scores of performances is the sight of large crowds of people enjoying themselves.   

And whilst I appreciate that a high percentage of Glasto-goers are off their faces, the images still serve as a timely reminder that we can all have festival fun again one day.

Beware of the cat

This has probably been our worst week of lockdown thus far.  

A combination of the kids not getting back to school - Boris Johnson is a liar, who knew?! - having to cancel our summer holiday and general lethargy have added up to a universal feeling of crapness. 

But this morning, we had a bit of drama to at least inject some life back into our household.  Unless you were the poor bird involved (and no, PC Police, I'm not talking disrespectfully about Vanessa).  

Jamie was up early, as per usual, and went downstairs for his brekkie - letting Cleocatra (pictured above) out first for her morning........whatever it is she does. 

But a few minutes later, he came running into our room whilst simultaneously waving his arms and making loud noises. (Most males can't do two things at once, never mind three, so I was initially very impressed). 

Jamie explained the scene in what we call the toy room and asked me to come down to survey it with him.

And this was what we found.        

Yup, the bird was still alive at this point - barely.

Jamie, a proud ornithophile himself (look it up, I had to) initially offered to take it outside, after donning personal protective equipment.

But by the time he'd got everything on, Cleo had finished what she may or may not have started (hopefully the bird was already injured when she put it in her mouth) and we had to move on to consideration of burial options. 

In the end, I bravely scooped the deceased into a dustpan before running screaming across the garden and throwing it over the wall.  At least it got to fly one last time.    

But I really must have a word with Cleo.  Call me mean if you feel you have to but, whilst I don't mind the kids bringing friends home for dinner (albeit not during lockdown), this is not a privilege I wish to extend to the cat.

In other news, we've erected a gazebo in our garden for socially-distanced chinwags.  I'm heading there shortly to drink beer because there's bugger all else to do.

You will note that the elaborate set-up includes a patio heater.  That's because we live in Yorkshire.

Enjoy your weekend.

Meet The Soul Band

I haven't updated this since my annual second rate April Fools Day post, mainly because there has been very little upbeat news to share.  But, henceforth, I intend to up my game and see what I can come up with.

To begin, I want to share a video with you that has really brightened up my day.  

It's been made by Guiseley School, which Jamie misses like a limb.

This is how the project is explained on the school's website: 

"Our young musicians should now be taking full advantage of our new building with a brand-new Music Department. Sadly, due to Covid-19, these plans are now on hold. But this hasn’t stopped Guiseley School’s Soul Band coming together, remotely, to rehearse and produce a performance.

"Lean on Me carries a touching message which we feel couldn’t be any more appropriate in these testing times of uncertainty. The Soul Band, with students across all three Key Stages, rehearsed this brand-new piece without any teacher input which is a testament to their devotion to music and their craft.

"The Music Department is incredibly proud of each of our young musicians and can’t wait to reunite and create music in our amazing new facilities." 

You can see what they achieved by clicking HERE.  

Jamie's face is the first one you'll see.  

He hopes you'll enjoy it.