Suck up and see

I bought something today which began to make me worry but now I think I might be alright.

The item in question is a handheld Dirt Devil which I managed to lay my hands on for less than half price (mainly because it was almost certainly stolen).

We've been needing one of these for a while. As you might imagine, Jamie tends to leave a trail of mess wherever he's been and it can be a little wearing to have to get the full-on vacuum cleaner out every time it happens.

Or perhaps I'd better put that another way. Jamie tends to leave a trail of mess wherever he's been and it can be a little wearing for Vanessa to have to get the full-on vacuum cleaner out every time it happens.

I'm not really big on cleaning, see. I cook lots - each of the last three nights - iron all my own clothes and often some of Vanessa's (no medals please). But I'm just not that motivated on the tidying and cleaning front, despite having spent six summers sweeping streets, emptying bins and cleaning toilets as a proud casual employee of Coleraine Borough Council.

Vanessa bought a handheld vac thing from Asda some time ago but, because she's a tight Yorkshire lass, it was cheap rubbish and can hardly pick up a smell never mind a heap of Farley's Rusk crumbs.

So when I saw the Dirt Devil in a dodgy Bradford shop at lunchtime, I had no hesitation in paying the necessary ransom fee (in cash, of course).

But, as I approached our front door several hours later feeling rather pleased with myself, it suddenly dawned on me that my decision might backfire. What if Vanessa preferred a bunch of flowers? Or a giant Toblerone? Or a cushion?

So I came in tonight, I gave her the bag with my purchase in it and waited for her reaction. Would she shout at me and demand an assurance that I would do my bit? Would she make me sign something to ensure I did? Or would she just shake her head and say nothing? It was actually quite a neutral reaction, as it turned out. Not hostile, but certainly not excitable. Fair enough, thought I, could be worse.

But when I returned to the living room about 15 minutes later after getting out of my work clothes, she was on all fours, trying to place her, sorry, "our" new toy into the recharger (it's cordless, don't you know) which was already plugged into the wall. And when she managed it, a red light suddenly appeared to show that she'd been successful and, guess what? She cooed, like a little birdie. I haven't seen her so happy in days.

Clearly, I would not wish her to know that I think she's pleased because it's "obviously" a shared house resource, not something that I would expect only her to use.

But if only she did use it, I wouldn't be unhappy. Not one little bit.