"Daddy, I've got a piece of turd on my finger."
Those were the words which shook me from my slumber at 5.30 this morning, as Jamie dangled the offending digit half an inch from my face.
I hope your Monday got off to a better start.
POLITE NOTICE: To whoever taught my son the "t word," can you please present yourself at the Headteacher's office, Guiseley Infant School at your earliest opportunity? I understand scary Mrs Bell would welcome a conversation.