Welcome to Northern Ireland - and I'm not happy.
The blame for my disturbed state of mind can be placed squarely at the doors of two institutions: Jet2 and Leeds Bradford Airport.
I arrived at said airport at 7.30 this morning, a clear hour before my flight to Belfast was due to be delayed, sorry, take off. I then had to pay the obligatory £2 'drop off' charge for the privilege of spending 30 seconds in the car park - thank you airport high achievers for that.
Then I went to check in.
"Have you checked in online?" asked the lady.
"No," I replied - having already paid the £12.50 'check-in fee' when I made the booking.
"There is a charge if you haven't checked in online."
"Oh right."
"That'll be another £17.50, sir."
B*stards.
But it gets better. I joined the queue to go through security, which was very, very long.
I still had 50 minutes before my flight was due to leave, giving me 20 minutes until it was time to board.
In 15 minutes I moved all of two feet.
I asked the man in front of me when his flight was due to take off - it was 40 minutes after me. He could immediately see the worry in my eyes. But he offered a suggestion.
"You can join the 'Fast Track' if you pay the robbing f*ckers more," he said, and I was left with little option.
Another £3 to the coffers of Leeds Bradford Airport then.
Excellent.
Since arriving on the North Coast, I have already checked in for my return trip next Tuesday.
Unfortunately, the online check in facility is not available to Vanessa, who is due to come across with the kids on Thursday, 'for operational and safety reasons' (i.e. because of Charlotte). However, the Jet2 website generously points out that there will be 'no additional charges' for printing out three pieces of paper. How nice.
After I get back, I hope I never have to use Jet2 ever again - I'm normally a Flybe type of guy - and I have a highly unoriginal thought for highlighting Leeds Bradford Airport's latest money-making scam. Watch this space.
