Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Beer aid

In the wake of my criticisms of foreign types in my last post (don't even get me started on Spanish flies), I return to the now diminished smattering of Northern Ireland residents in our gaff. And to those self-service beer machines.

There is only one gripe about the self-service beer machines, and it is merely a complaint by association.  But still.  It is that the glasses they leave out alongside the machines - to be self-served into - are a touch on the snug side.  

In some locations the "beer glasses" are essentially wine glasses, meaning you get about a third of a pint in there at best.  But in others, they are simply disposable plastic cups - just like this one modelled by Jamie. 

In other words, not much good to an Ulsterman.  I mean, we're talking a quarter of a pint here.  Total waste of time.

This disappointing state of affairs was quickly picked up on by my old mate and fellow Ulsterman Sean when he and Melanie stayed the other night.  So we improvised by getting several in at a time. But this is clearly a labour-intensive solution at best. 

We then met another Ulsterman at the beer machine who seemed to be taking longer filling up than anyone else.

I had noticed him on our bus from the airport when we arrived.  He's a ginger gentlemen and, when I saw him again earlier today, his tan was as I'd feared.  It was what I would describe as "neopolitan ice cream without the chocolate" i.e. white to pink and back to pink without a hint of brown in there.  (I do have a photo of him but, given how small Northern Ireland is, it's likely that someone I know will have slept with him, his sister or his mother.  So you're not seeing it).

Anyway, back to him at the beer machine.  When he finally finished filling up, he turned to walk away - with a pint glass in his hand.  (It might even have been one in each hand, but it was getting late.  And it was dark.  And you know what I'm saying).

At this point, Sean and I felt naturally obligated to get into a brief conversation with our hero to convey our mutual respect and admiration for his tactical approach.  And to ask where he acquired his pint pots.

"Jasus boys, I've been on these holidays afore and have seen the size of the glesses they give you," he explained.  "Balls to that.  So I brought five or six of these big wans with me in me beg.  Sure, I'll throw you round a couple the morra if ye'd lick."  

These was a indeed kindly offer from an outstanding fellow countryman, I'm sure you will agree.  Although, for the record, he's yet to deliver on his pledge in the almost 72 hours which have elapsed since then.  But that's by the by.  They are his glesses.

No, he thought ahead, he came here with a plan and he is a man who will never go thirsty.  Ever. 

Makes you proud, so it does boy.