I went back to our sunbeds earlier to find that some German (almost inevitably) had made off with our parasol; the very same parasol that I had to rise at 6.20 this morning to secure. I shall resist any references to Great Wars but feel free to use your imagination.
This act of theft comes in the wake of last night's entertainment featuring Fat Federico Mercury from Venezuela as the pretend lead singer of Queen. Champions they were not.
This was very much down a step from the previous evening's turn when we had Fat Pablo McCartney from Espana fronting the pretend Beatles with Thin Juan Lennon from Argentina. They were genuinely really good.
Tonight we have a drag act, which I have my doubts about at best.
Plus, Jamie is still complaining about having black sand up his bum after a visit to the beach earlier. So it really is time to go.
To be fair, we have had a great last few days including trips which we - and, more importantly, the kids - will long remember. Plus, both Jamie and Charlotte were awarded bravery certificates last night, which was quite a laugh. I have some video footage which I'll share with you next week if you're interested.
Until then, it's adios from Tenerife. And time for one last assault on the self-service beer machines. Unless I bump into a smug German walking about with our parasol.