Well, we're here and what can I say?
Quite a lot in truth, but it's much easier just to show you.
That's the Redcoats up above and, I have to say, credit where credit's due; it's certainly a job I couldn't do (and not just because none of the guests would understand what I'm on about). They work their bits off - apparently for little reward - and never, EVER stop smiling. I really would love to get one of them drunk one night to find out what they really think.
Especially about the fat people because, alongside fun and Redcoats, Butlins is really big on fat people if you pardon the bun, sorry, pun (they all love a big bun, preferably filled with lots of cream).
To illustrate, here's a couple of before and afters.
The Bob The Builder Show before the fat bird arrives...
...and afterwards.
And here's another. Now you can see the Circus Mayhem Show...
...and now you can't.
Thankfully the fine young filly Jamie pulled last night wasn't morbidly obese.
She initially came up to me to advise that she'd like to kiss my son and I suggested it might be best for them to have a chat first...
...before she went for it.
They then shared a Slushy moment...
...before, well, I think his face tells you everything you need to know.
And through it all, Vanessa barely registered as a Take That tribute act were on stage.
As I tap out this rubbish, Jamie is asleep having had a towel down and an emergency change of clothes. But he's learnt something new today: never wander blindly into an outdoor fountain display.
Two more days to go.
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