This time next week, weather permitting, I'll be sitting in the West Stand at Headingley as the first day of the Second Test between England and South Africa draws to a close.
Alongside me will be my dad and also John (above), my smallest friend.
He and I went to school together and have been mates ever since.
John was also best man at my wedding where he delivered a cutting speech questioning my sexuality. Clearly I was delighted at this and haven't spent any time at all in the three intervening years thinking of ways to get back at him. Hell no.
John and my dad are due to arrive with us on Thursday night and we're not quite ready for them yet. The main task over this weekend will be to clear out the spare room - where I'm currently sitting - for my dad.
Meanwhile, Jamie is currently sleeping in a Moses basket in our room so we can put John in Jamie's cot in the nursery.
John was actually due to visit Jamie for the first time last weekend but tripped on a Wotsit and didn't make it. Hopefully he'll tread more carefully over the next few days.
I'm also going to have a word with Jamie and ask him not to bully the wee fella although he will be allowed to give him orders. And pee on him, any time he wants.
I'm planning to do exactly the same in his tea, his cornflakes, his beer, his shoes, his soapbag...
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