Another young mind she's messed with

The sight above is a rare one in our house - Jamie sleeping (earlier this morning).

However, I've finally worked out the source of his nocturnal problems over the last 18 months.

Iris Robinson.

Even if you don't live in or come from Northern Ireland, you'll almost certainly be aware of the unlikely sexual exploits of the 61-year-old witch from Belfast and her 19-year-old cafe-keeping lover.

I don't know about you, but I have certainly had trouble getting my head down since I heard the news. Indeed, I couldn't bring myself to turn out the light until the early hours of Friday morning after the story first broke to a mostly unsuspecting (though certainly chortling) television audience back home.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I take no pleasure whatsoever in seeing the obvious personal difficulties that Mrs Robinson and her equally poisonous husband and Northern Ireland First Minister Peter are experiencing. Genuinely.

But these two odious individuals (her in particular) have spent the entirety of their public lives - in that characteristically smarmy way of theirs - judging all, condemning many and praising only those who share their view. And through it all, they and their similarly narrow-minded allies have unashamedly sought to portray themselves as better than the rest of us.

And yet now we all know different.

However, lest I go off on one (and I could happily spend the rest of the weekend telling you how much I detest this pair of shysters), let me return to my revelation.

Jamie has clearly known about Iris's affair from the start.

Think about it. It is established fact that wee Kirk (the cafe-keeper) and Mrs Robinson (the witch) began seeing all of each other (bleugh!) at the exact same time as Jamie moved out of Vanessa and into his Moses basket in the summer of 2008. And he's barely slept a wink since.

So he's clearly had a premonition or a sign or a flash (maybe of Iris's leg - or worse) of what was going on. But I'm certain he's known about it all this time, it's messed up his tiny head and it's turned him into a baby insomniac.

It's just so obvious when you think about it.

And because he hasn't been sleeping, neither Vanessa nor I have been sleeping and it's all Iris's fault.

I never believed I could hate Iris Robinson more but, as a result of my discovery, now I do.

PS What's the odds we'll see her on next year's Dancing On Ice?