Model parents

I write this blog for several reasons, one of which is to provide a record of what was going on in the world during Jamie's first few months (and now years) of life.

And today, I'm going to briefly discuss the subject of model parents.

So, Jamie, the current holder of the "Dad of the Year" title is a man called John Terry. John is the captain of the England football team and someone little boys like you are supposed to look up to.

However, everyone has just found out that John has been a very naughty boy. Because John has been caught kissing his best friend Wayne's girlfriend behind Wayne's back. Bad John!

And not only has John been a very bad best friend to Wayne, he's also been a very bad husband to Mrs Terry and a very bad daddy to his three-year-old twins.

John is a very rich man and is paid £170,000 a week. And because John has lots of money, the newspapers say that John gave some of his money to Wayne's girlfriend so she wouldn't tell anyone else they had been kissing. However, that didn't work because the newspapers found out and told everyone anyway.

Chelsea, the football team that John plays for, have said that they will support John and whatever he does is alright by them. That is because Chelsea is run by slags. And that's why John plays for Chelsea, because John is also a slag.

OK, Jamie, so that's the "Dad of the Year."

Now it's the turn of the mummies and, for a change, we'll go back to 2007 when the "Mum of the Year" was called Katie Price, although she sometimes calls herself Jordan. She is mummy to two little boys and a little girl. Katie is also a slag.

Katie will do absolutely anything to get money or get her picture in newspapers and magazines. She has kissed lots and lots of boys and then she tells the newspapers and magazines so they give her more money and take more pictures of her.

Katie's got a boyfriend and he's called Alex. A few weeks ago, Katie told Alex that she didn't want to be his girlfriend any more. However, she didn't tell Alex to his face. She announced it on TV in front of lots and lots of other people so she could get more money and get her picture in more newspapers and magazines. Bad Katie!

Then Katie found out that Alex was going to be in another TV programme that lots and lots of people also watch. So Katie became Alex's girlfriend again because she thought it might help her to get even more money and get her picture in even more newspapers and magazines.

Last night, Alex was voted as the most popular person in the TV programme and everybody cheered for him. Katie is very happy about that because for the next few weeks she's going to make lots and lots more money and get her picture in lots and lots more newspapers and magazines.

But as soon as she thinks she has made as much money and got her picture in as many magazines and newspapers as she can, Katie will tell Alex she doesn't want to be his girlfriend any more and she wants to kiss other boys instead. And then she will tell the newspapers and magazines and they will give her more money and take more pictures of her.

So, Jamie, when you eventually read this, I hope you're not too disappointed to learn that your mummy and daddy weren't model parents.