Sunday, 26 May 2013

Whites Abroad: Part I

Good afternoon and welcome to an overcast Holiday Village, Menorca where the general consensus amongst guests is that it's not as good as last year.

To be fair and as predicted, the weather has only turned because the Whites are here. And for that, we can only apologise. And, to be equally fair, it's not the reps' fault that they're all-new for 2013 (other than the nice ladies in Charlotte's crèche who immediately recognised her from eleven months ago). But with a full eight days still to go, I have no doubt that we're all going to have a great time.

So far, Jamie and Charlotte have met Alex the Lion from the Madagascar trilogy and Jamie, with the aid of face paint, was miraculously transformed into Kung Fu Panda. As I tap this guff into my phone, he is off learning all about Spain and Charlotte is learning even more about dollies. Meanwhile, on the sun lounger to my left, Vanessa is reading (probably something mucky) on her Kindle. And on my right, some bloke is attempting to tan his prosthetic leg. I've not seen this before.

Actually, Shrek has just put in an appearance here at the pool. It's nice to see the big ogre. 

On other matters, there appears to be an over-representation of Scousers in the resort. I'm sure this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Charlotte had her Minnie Mouse dingy swiped yesterday. Although it might. But we got it back in the end, so that's OK. 

There also seems to be more morbidly obese guests in comparison with last year. Let's hope one of them doesn't get put next to me on the plane home. And if some of them do get on our plane, there aren't too many so we don't crash.

And finally, I was pleased to note that the bar staff haven't changed since last year either. I was even more pleased - nay, thrilled - when one of them recognised me last night and promptly presented me with an exclusive beer mug for his "most thirsty customers." It's twice the size of a normal one.

More mañana (or maybe the mañana after that). 

NEWSFLASH: The sun has just come out! It's time to turn pink, and then crispy vanilla.