Ginger Jamie

Like, no doubt, zillions of other freak show fans across the planet, I dipped in and out of the "Michael Jackson Memorial Concert" on TV tonight. A pretty classy affair, I'm sure you'll agree (ahem).

What cannot escape my mind is the fact that they held his "funeral service" this morning - at an actual cemetery - then piled him back into a car to drive him to his own do. I cannot help but wonder if he's now in McDonald's, accompanied by the rest of the Jackson clan, with a milkshake parked on his lid. Sorry, I hate to be disrespectful but - come on. Still, each to their own (16 carat gold coffin) I suppose. (Although, how long do you think it'll be before some "smooth criminal" nicks that? I hope you see what I did there).

Meanwhile, I appear to have a ginger son. (Seriously - of all the things that can happen. I've just never been lucky).

We're not really sure how and, certainly, why this has happened. Jamie looks blond both up close and at a distance, but the passport pictures we've just had taken tell a very different - not to mention extremely worrying - story.

We first had shots done last year when he was much smaller (and balder) but we never got round to sending them off with the form. However, we've just made some holiday plans and have suddenly had to get a move on, which meant arranging for some new photos to be taken.

I was there and saw nothing amiss. So you can therefore only imagine my shock (and maybe just a smidgen of horror) when the pictures you see above were handed to me by the smiling assistant.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the Ginger People. But, well, there is no earthly nor biological reason why Jamie should be ginger and, quite frankly, it would be best if he wasn't.

I fear the explanation for the photos might be some sort of technical fault with the equipment at Jessops in Bradford or, at least, I hope it is. And if there is some other way of explaining it (i.e. one which suggests that he really is ginger) than perhaps it's best I don't hear it.

So, on today of all days, perhaps I can best put it like this. If Michael Jackson was black, then Jamie White is not ****ing ginger!