As we enter Great North Run race week, I have two principal problems.
The first is the pain in my lower abdomen which, according to Google, may or may not be a "sports hernia." Or I could be pregnant. Either way, it can be diagnosed afterwards because I'm running on Sunday.
The second is made up of two identical concerns; namely, left armpit hair and right armpit hair.
Yes, my armpits have bizarrely taken on the appearance of Manchester United's recent panic signing Marouane Fellaini. This is not a good look when I'm committed to wearing a gaping vest in the big event. I already had the embarrassment of my Ulsterman tee shirt tan to contend with. Plus, I'm built like a bottle.
I see little option but to chop my pit foliage back a foot or two, but the whole idea of doing so makes me queasy. And what implement do I use for the task? Kitchen scissors or garden shears?
Alternatively, I could ask my lady barber to shave them when I get my head hair chopped later in the week. But she's Eastern European so the concept might be foreign to her.
Whilst I ponder the best way forward and if you haven't already done so, perhaps you'd be kind enough to make a small donation to the all-important cause. Or even just read about it.
You can get to my fundraising page by clicking HERE. Thank you if you do.