Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls - boys and girls, don't be scared - this is Pete "Happy" Wilson. He shall be my host for this evening.
It has been said many times before that my old school friend Pete has the perfect face for radio. Which is ironic, because that's exactly where he takes it - BBC Radio 5 Live in Salford to be precise - each work day.
Yes, if ever a face should be kept behind glass, it's Pete's - because other than when he reads the news, he's a producer by trade. And they sit behind glass, you see. Often staring, sometimes waving and always doing what they can to put the presenters off by talking rubbish to them through their headphones. It really is a very specialised job.
Pete, his top wife Michaela and Dylan, their charming little boy, live in deepest Cheshire and that's where I'm now headed (thanks to this train). Meanwhile, currently en route from Liverpool, is one of my very oldest chums, Tommy Millen.
Tom and I first met at Macosquin Primary School almost 37 years to the day. Then we met Pete at Coleraine Inst almost 30 years to the day. So yes, we all go back a long way.
And tonight is set to be very complex. Because we're planning to spend the entire evening in Pete's local pub talking utter shite until someone chooses to throw us out.
Then, tomorrow morning, quite early, we'll all get up and go our separate ways.
If a better format for a night out has been invented, well, I've not heard of it.
I shall relay a version of events to you tomorrow.