Dieselgate - The Inquest

£300 is the figure you're after. Unless you've already asked me, and many people have.

Yes, "a carpet" (in Cockney rhyming slang - apparently) was what it cost to fix our car after the little diesel mishap.

And yet I feel quite relieved. I did a little anxious research on Monday afternoon, just after we received the diagnosis from the garage, and discovered that 400 people a day in this country mistakenly put diesel in a petrol car or vice versa.

I also found out that the problem can cost up to £6,000 to fix if you've driven it any distance - as we had. Our gleaming vehicle isn't worth anything like that much, but I was warned by more knowledgeable people than me that a bill close to £1,000 could still be expected if the car wasn't to be written off.

So, you know, things could have been worse.

The matter of the cost being settled, two further questions remained:

1. When was the deed done?
2. Who filled the car?

And, believe it or not, it appears we will never know the answer to either.

The reason is that the garage said there were apparently only "traces" of diesel in the tank and, even more bizarrely, that it could have been put in there anything up to 18 months ago.

Personally, I think the bill was only £50 and Vanessa bunged the mechanic the rest just to concoct a made-up story- because it couldn't possibly have been my mistake. Could it?!

I asked our now departed visitors Cleve and Graham on Monday night how intelligent they thought the Whites were following our error and their expressions above tell you the answer.

Meanwhile Jamie was oblivious to all that was going on. Whilst waiting for the tow truck man to appear, I briefly left Vanessa on "clamper watch" - it could have cost us another £120 if one of those nice people had encountered our illegally parked vehicle - and took Jamie on a very swift trip around the second floor of the Royal Armouries.

He seemed to like the piece of baby armour on show so we'll have to take him back some other time. But perhaps it's best we get the bus.