This is Dan, my friend, a man of Yorkshire and an employee of YorkshireWater.
We arranged to have a drink last night and he arrived at our front door with a big smile on his face.
"I've brought you a present," he said.
"Oh really?" I replied, excitedly. "That's very kind. What have you bought."
"No, brought - not bought," he clarified. "It's a YorkshireWater Flush Saver!"
"Ooooooo," I, well, ooooooo-ed, before playing back in my head what he'd just uttered. "A what?"
"A YorkshireWater Flush Saver!" repeated Dan, with commendable enthusiasm. "It saves water!"
"Right," I said, with a little less enthusiasm.
"Are you on a meter?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
"That doesn't matter, you'll still be protecting the environment by saving a litre of water every time you flush - half of what you normally use!" boomed Dan.
"OK," said me. "So what happens if I do a big poo?"
"Well," hesitated Dan, "I suppose you flush it twice."
"Thereby using the same amount of water as normal?" I enquired.
"Errmmm...yes," he whimpered back.
"Shall we just go to the pub?" I suggested.
"Yes," said Dan.
So we did.
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